If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
