I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
