If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
