i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Randomize
