I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
