Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
