i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
