I want to stick my p in your. b.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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