Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
