i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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