i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
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