Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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