Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
