I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
