Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
