The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
