if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
