I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
