Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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