I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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