i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
If I die, sorry about rent.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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