Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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