Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
