I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
