Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
