I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
