i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Randomize
