Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
