this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
