just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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