You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
