She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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