at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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