What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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