i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
