Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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