idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
