I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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