I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
