My pussy is not your playground.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
