as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
