"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
