I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
