Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
