I heard we made out
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
