The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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