If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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