i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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