i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Randomize
