I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
