the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
